Homelessness, Hoarding & Homes Are For Living

 How are these things related?

These things are related for a few reasons. Hoarding can lead to homelessness or at least a desperate need to find a new place to live quickly. In addition people need to know they are not alone.  I am providing education about these issues by speaking up, being approachable and sharing what I know with a world that desperately needs authentic leaders.

Why do I want to share the connection?

I want to share this connection as an authentic leader this so that other people will know they are not alone. Also I want to declare that people living in dysfunctional situations can ask for help, because it is out there even if you have to beg and stand up for what you need to move forward in your life.

When I was seventeen I found myself having a discussion with a Child Protective Services asking me if I wanted to move out of my parent’s home. I adamantly refused and chose to stay in a hoarded home, because it was a KNOWN and I knew how to navigate in that scenario. Also I didn’t want to leave my disabled brother to fend for himself completely, since it was likely if we had entered foster care we would have been split up.

When I was eighteen I moved out to live and work for Mrs. M and be there to assist with housework and some of the heavier lifting. After 3 months we disagreed (as 18 year olds often do-because we have ALL the answers)! And I voluntarily found myself looking for a new place to live. I had promised my 18 year old self that if I ever got to leave the hoarded home, I would never return to live there.

I called on my Grandma M and asked if I could live with her. At first she did not want me to do that since she did not want to make my Dad mad. When I explained that I would live in a box before moving home and that if she didn’t agree I would hang up and start calling my aunts, she agreed to let me stay at her house. Nothing like a little guilt and blackmail to get what you want!  Not my methods now, but it does give some insight into the desperation many kids feel when they can no longer live at home for a number of reasons.

What am I doing about it?

I am engaging with organizations such as SPIN Café (Serving People in Need), Ryan’s House for Youth, Island County Economic Development Council (ICEDC), Homeless Youth Task Force Forum, South Whidbey at Home and Toastmasters International. I provide education, training and information about these issues.  Homes Are For Living, LLC is a company dedicated to talking about these tough issues and ensuring that educators, non-profits, universities, state systems and people in general are provided information to help people dealing with the challenges of homelessness, hoarding and homes to live in.

Tammi Moses, Homes Are For Living, LLC

 

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Keeping What You Love

 

 

 

 

 

 

People with hoarding tendencies often have a fear that the must “get rid of everything.” The reason this bothers a person that hoards is because of the attachment they have to the “everything” that is present in their residence.  Unfortunately there is the same level of attachment to a stack of newspapers as there is to a photo album of family pictures.

We need to change the tenor of this conversation and thought process to help a person focus on keeping what they love! This is also easily adaptable to purchasing items or bringing things home for yourself: only buy it or bring it home if you love it!

How do we begin this process of keeping only on what we love?

Maybe it is a favorite memory or the collection of the shells or blue glass bottles.  Maybe it is the table from your Grandma’s house or your Dad’s favorite instrument. Think about how you feel when you look at these items and does it bring positive thoughts and memories up for you? Focus on why you love these items or perhaps, why you do not love that item.

How do we dispose of what we don’t love?

Will this item continue to evoke positive or negative emotions for you? Do you still love it?  If so, keep it!  If not, it can be donated, sold or moved out of your home. Sentimental items and things such as tools may need to stay, but broken or extra items can be disposed of. Freeing up your area is a very valuable exercise in taking back your space in the home and in your life.

This method can be used on anything in your home, garage, barn, vehicle, work shop, shed, basement, closet, etc.

Copyright 2016, Tammi L. Moses, Homes Are For Living, LLC

 

Inside Job

August 8, 2015

Inside Job

So I am going to look at hoarding from the perspective that handling this issue is largely an inside job. Another words, cleaning up the environment, the home, the shed, the house or the property is basically only dealing with the tip of the ice berg.   That is why if the cleanup is conducted in a sneaky fashion, the person who hoards will revert to that behavior, no matter what location they may be in. If the cleanup isn’t conducted at all and the person moves to a new home, apartment, friends home it is also likely that the hoarding behavior will continue.

If true authentic, change is to occur then we need to start approaching this in a different way, as people, as friends, neighbors and family members of people who hoard. We need to change up how we approach the children of hoarders, the spouses and family members of hoarders.

There are a number of “victims” in these scenarios, including the person who hoards and the people in their life that are impacted by it. Telling the hoarder to “clean things up” will not work. The attempt to shame the children into cleaning things up isn’t a viable method either. In many cases the person who hoards had severe loss, grief and trauma in their lives. This is carried on to their future because the trauma hasn’t been dealt with. So this then traumatizes the next generation as well.

As a child of hoarders myself, I was told often to “clean up the mess” by well meaning (??) people who didn’t understand the issue at hand. Hell, I didn’t understand the issue at hand as a kid! But what I did understand was this, moving stuff = confrontation, yelling, crying and in general an increase in chaos. So I purposely avoided doing anything that would yield a loud, messy confrontation.

While this was a survival mechanism then, it did not serve me well in my young adult life nor in the abusive marriage I endured and ultimately, thankfully ended after 15 years. I didn’t believe that I had enough value to be treated well. This is sadly a theme for many children who grew up in hoarded homes.

My mission is to raise awareness about hoarding and how it impacts people, families and communities. It is my belief that not one more person should die buried in their homes because we do not know how to help them. It is my belief that not one more kid should be held responsible for their parents hoarding behavior.

What I know is if you see something, say something! But please temper it with kindness and a real heart to help and suspend judgement of the kids-they didn’t cause it and more than likely they can’t fix it. And that includes the Adult Children of Hoarders as well.

Copyright 2015 Tammi L. Moses   Homes Are For Living, LLC http://www.askthehoarderskid.wordpress.com

Blog by COH

Check out the original blog I started in 2013.

http://freegirlsjourney.blogspot.com/

Welcome!

Thank you so much for taking the time to check out Homes Are for Living, LLC and our education division Ask the Hoarders Kid.  We welcome your questions and concerns and will be glad to share survival tips and tools that may help you along the journey of awareness.  It’s a people issue and a stuff issue, it isn’t something that can actually be easily separated.